Great News!

The job hunt is off.  I was emptying out my spam folder this morning, and thank goodness I don’t like to throw anything away without checking what it is first.  Otherwise, I would have missed this:


ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING 935
PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON,
D.C. 20535-0001

TEL+1-202-324-3447

ATTENTION: Beneficiary

This Is An Official Advice From The FBI, Foreign Remittance/Telegraphic Dept. (FRTD), It Has Come To Our Notice That The (Central Bank of Nigeria) C.B.N and there local Banks in Nigeria Has Released Your Full Inheritance/Contract Payment Of 10,000,000 U.S Dollars Into Bank Of America In Your Name As The Beneficiary as there Corresponding Bank USA.

TEN MILLION DOLLARS!!! Excellent. That would certainly take some of the pressure off.


The Bank In Africa Knowing Fully Well That They Do Not Have Enough Facilities To Effect This Payment From Europe To Your Account and they Used What We Know As A Secret Diplomatic Transit Payment S.T.D.P To Pay This Fund Through Wire Transfer.

Wait a minute.....Europe? But I thought the money was coming from Nigeria. Still, who am I to argue. I mean, come on, it’s TEN MILLION DOLLARS!

They Are Still Waiting For Final Confirmation From You On The Already Transferred Funds, To Enable Them Crediting Into Your Account Accordingly.

No problem. What do they need to know?

Secret Diplomatic Transfer Payment Are Normally Funds Related To Drug/Terrorist And Money Laundry System Of Payment

Oh. Thanks for the heads-up.

 Silly question, maybe, but if they are *secret* diplomatic transfer payments, how do you kn......? Wait, never mind.  I forgot you’re the FBI. Of course you're meant to know about secret stuff.


Why Must Your Payment Be Made In Such Secret Transfer, If Your Transaction Is Legitimate And Not Related To Drug/Terrorist And Money Laundry, Why Can't The Bank In Africa Via Europe Effect Direct Transfer Into Your Account Than Secret Diplomatic Payment Transfer.

That's a very good question. Although I’m not sure I like your tone.

Due To The Increased Difficulties And Unnecessary Scrutiny By The American Authorities When Funds Come From Through Such Payment Process From Europe, Africa And Middle East, Based On The Records We Had In The Past Always Identified Such Method Of Payment As Drug/ Terrorist/Money Laundry Funds, To Avoid Problem With The Us Government

Better safe than sorry, I suppose, although it does seem a little unduly harsh on all of the legitimate secret diplomats. 

As Soon As These Funds Reflect In Your Account In The U.S.A, It Is Our Mandatory Obligations To Ascertain The Documentation And Certification Of This Funds Before The Final Crediting Into Your Account.

Well, since it’s mandatory.......

We Advice You Contact Us Immediately, As The Funds Have Been Stopped And Held In Our Custody Pending When You Were Able To Provide Us With A Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (Dist) and letter of indemnity Clearance Certificate Within 24hours From The United Nation International Fund Monitory Unit (UNIFMU) That Authorize The Transfer And Certified That The Funds Originated From Africa And Middle East Is Free From Terrorist/Drug And Money Laundry Or We Shall Confiscate The Payment.

Good advice. Let me see if I can remember where I put those.

We Will Allow the Funds to Be Release into Your nominated Account Immediately You Make Provision the Required Document. You Will Be Directed Where and How To Get the Document If It Is Not In Your Possession.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
FBI Director ROBERT S. MUELLER III

Whoa, how did you know I might not have the document in my possession? Oh yeah, I forgot: you’re the FBI. You guys are good.