Bad Santas

I'm feeling well Christmassy this year.  Much more so than usual, and I can't work out why.  I expect it might have something to do with all of  the snow, which is making it feel a bit like we're living on top of a giant Christmas cake.

I can appreciate that not everyone will be feeling quite so festive; at this time of year some people are all bah-this and humbug-that.  If  you are one of those people this is the story for you.

It's a jaw-dropping tale of war - and I do mean war - in the Santa industry.  (That's right, the Santa INDUSTRY.  I don't have time for lengthy extistential debates about Santa right now.  Let's just assume that even if he does exist, he's in such high demand around this time of year that it makes sense to recruit an army of impersonators to help out.) 

The Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas is a membership organisation for Santas.  Not just any old Santas, mind you - the AORBS are the top of the heap.   These are Santas who take their job very seriously indeed; the kind of Santas who have a Christmas grotto in their house and carry a stash of small toys and stickers with them at all times, even in the middle of July, just in case they are recognised by small children who have cannily identified them by their white beards and twinkly eyes.

It all began back in 1994, at a multi-Santa photo shoot.  The ten Santas, who were being photographed for a shopping catalouge, went out for a meal afterwards.  They all had so much fun swapping stories and tips that one of them, Santa Tom, suggested they ought to meet up more regularly.  Everyone agreed and AORBS was born.   The group widened over the following years, and in 2003 Santa Tim joined them.

Santa Tim was already a pretty serious Santa.  He had his own company - The Kringle Group - and offered services such as Santa referrals, a mail order costume service, and even an International Santa Claus University.  Santa Tom thought Santa Tim seemed like a pretty good guy, and recruited him to help run AORBS, which was growing at a rate he couldn't handle.  

So far, so good.  But, in 2007 Santa Nick Trolly joined the organisation, and here's where it starts to get ugly.  Santa Nick wasn't entirely comfortable with Santa Tim juggling both AORBS and The Kringle Group, and soon began asking difficult questions.  Santa Tim hardly helped matters buy signing a deal with a documentary maker to make films about  his own university and the AORBS conventions, receiving payments on behalf of both groups. This caused such a scandal when it was discovered that he eventually resigned from the AORBS board. 

Santa Nick took over as president and immediately began instigating some changes. There was some grumbling about this, particularly among the Californian santas who felt that Santa Tim (a fellow Californian) had been forced out of office by a power-hungry newcomer.  The disgruntled santas began to use the AORBS online chat forum  (called, pleasingly, "Elf-net") to air their grievances. Elf-net was being moderated by a cohort of Santa Tim, though, and Santas who used it to complain soon found themselves banned from posting.  Santa Tom, the same Santa Tom who set up AORBS in the first place, was one of them.

The banned Santas set up their own chat-forum and the bickering continued.  It began to get quite ugly; both sides threw insults and allegations at each other and law suits were threatened on a regular basis. There was a violent confrontation at a theme park, which no-one, least of all the security guard who was called in, quite knows the truth about; it took place during a Santa convention and  in a room full of Santas it's hard to tell who is on which side.

There are now two seperate Santa organisations, and they are still bitter rivals.  It's a fascinating story;  I heard it on This American Life* where, over the course of a twenty-or-so minute segement, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Stalin and the FBI were mentioned.  The comparisons aren't as far-fetched as you might think. 

*a podcast I've been hearing good things about in various places for a while now, and finally got around to tracking down yesterday.  This was the first episode I listened to; I'll definitely be back for more.

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