If you trawl through almost any blogger's back-catalogue, you'll find a post about the strange and wonderful search terms which have led people to their blog. This is that post.
I'm quite excited - it almost feels like a rite of passage. The main reason I've taken so long to get around to it is that for the first few months my search terms were really nothing special; they were downright boring, in fact. But they've become slightly more entertaining now, I think. Besides it feels like a good pre-Christmas, year-in-review sort of thing to do.
Sowhich search terms have taken readers gently by the hand and led them through the streets of this blog? At the top of the list, and making me feel even more guilty than I was already feeling (which was quite guilty) about abandoning those episode summaries mid-series, is pretty much anything to do with The Apprentice. Oops. Did I mention how guilty I feel?
Aside from some poor person looking for "jokes about Lord Sugar" (move along please, there's nothing for you to see here) most of the Apprentice-based searches involved Chris and his blue eyes. "Chris apprentice eyes blue", "blue eyes apprentice chris", "what colour are apprentice chris's eyes".....well, you get the idea. There are fourteen more of these. To your enormous relief I won't list them all. Someone wanted to know "what colour eyes does apprentice Chris have?" (BLUE, you fool, they are BLUE!) but it wasn't just eyes people were interested in; one odd-bod was more interested in Sandesh's feet. I don't know why either. My favourite Appprentice search was "apprentice Stuart Baggs muppet", and my least favourite, which popped up several weeks ago was "spoiler Stella wins the apprentice". It didn't *completely* spoil the final for me, but it certainly made the result less of a surprise, and was very annoying. Someone also came looking for "Shibby impersonation" and to that person I can only apologise. I'm rubbish at impressions.
Quite a few searches involved questions about the Canterbury Tales, none of which I've actually answered. Also, given that my Canterbury Tales posts were all bluffer's guides to the various tales the search term "Die bluffers" was more than a little worrying. I can't help wondering whether this was the same person who came looking for "What to do on a Sunday night in Canterbury"; perhaps they were hoping for more nightclub recommendations, less of the low-level literary analysis. Speaking of people who might have been a little disappointed, I also feel bad for the person who was sent here as a result of their search for "the prettiest woman in the world"......but thanks, Google. That one made my day.
Other recent search terms include "Death knight face paint", cute baby pigs (you'll find those over here), snake glass painting, spiders in face paint, water base snake face paint (what is the fascination with face paint? And why does Google think I might know anything about it?) and my favourite: "vampire hippo porn". (Again - why, Google, why? And more to the point - HOW?? On second thoughts, don't answer that.)
Then there was this:
"i was doing sex few days ago know i have a problum of headattach can i am pregnent"
Hmmmmm....that's a tricky one. But my head seems to be firmly attached as well - it hardly ever falls off - and I'm definitely not pregnant. So you're probably OK. I am no doctor though; you may be better off getting a second opinion.
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