Monday 31 January 2011

More connections

More quiz type shenanigans, Only Connect styleee: 

1. What do these things have have in common?

gemstone
hair
5 pips
blaze

2. And these?

     **There was a fourth image, but Blogger
                                            won't display it. Picture, if you will,
                                            someone being murdered.  (Sort of hard to
                                            argue with them on that one.)



3. What comes next?


  

4: What would be fourth in this sequence:

A =101
B = One billion
C = One octillion

Answers in the comments please.  If anyone gets number three right I will be more impressed than you can possibly imagine, and not just with their ability to see connections.

Sunday 30 January 2011

Sunday Night Music Club

I am excited about this.  Properly properly excited.

I turned on the telly when I got in this evening, and guess what I found?  Flight of the Conchords.  Some of the Glee cast.  In THE SAME EPISODE of The Simpsons.  I am pretty sure that I have died and gone to TV heaven.

For the un-initiated, Flight of the Conchords are a musical comedy double act who come from New Zealand, make a TV show set in New York and are just about the best thing sinced sliced bananas.  In fact, I'm astounded that I haven't done a FOTC themed SNMC club before now. *

In The Simpsons they play two camp counsellors who work at a Performing Arts summer camp attended by Lisa.  You know what the weird thing is?  I spent today with a friend who I first met when we were both working as counsellors in an American summer camp.  And you know what's even weirder? I was wearing (and am still wearing*) my favourite t-shirt, which looks like this:


Do you know who those people are? Do you? DO YOU?  Only FLIGHT OF THE BLIMMING CONCHORDS, that's who!!!

Any-hoo, here they are:



Also exciting: according to the credits, that is Stephen actual Hawking singing.  I really really hope the credits aren't lying. 

* So astounded, in fact, that I'm almost starting to think that perhaps I have, and I've just forgotten that I did it. If anyone has a better memory for these things than me, or just more of an inclination to trawl through old posts and check, then knock yourself out.  And please let me know.)


**Possibly not any more, by the time you are reading this.  I do take it off to wash it, sometimes.

Saturday 29 January 2011

I am not dead

I am ill, though.  And just when I had reached the point this week where I thought I'd actually have some time to catch up on things, too.   I'm sure it's some kind of  conspiracy.  (I'm sure it's not.)

Back soon, hopefully.

Monday 24 January 2011

No Longer Sunday Night but Let's Just Listen To Some Nice Music Anyway Music Club

So here's the thing. 

Yesterday was my friend's birthday.   His birthday lunch was in Soho and on the way to the restaurant I vaguely thought about songs I might use for Sunday night Music Club when I got home.

Three courses, several bottles of wine, one pub, two gay bars , one and  a half cigarettes  (I don't even smoke) and a failed attempt at signing up for karaoke later, I realised two things: 1) I couldn't remember which songs I'd thought of and 2) it didn't really matter anyway because it was was already half past midnight.


If I'd been able to karaoke, what I almost definitely would have sung is this

Saturday 22 January 2011

Hotel

Ah, January.  Bit grim, isn't it?  No wonder so many people are starting to plan their summer holidays, even though we are about as far away from summer as it is humanly possible to be.

If you are one of them, and this year you're looking to stay somewhere a little bit different, then boy do I have the answer for you.


Hamster hotel in Nantes, France


Why, yes, Virginia - that IS a hamster wheel.

Welcome to Villa Hamster; a gite in Nantes, France where, for the mere price of 99 Euros* a night, you and a friend or partner can have the full hamster experience. You can run in a hamster wheel, eat seeds, drink from a squeezy plastic water bottle attached the wall and, if you want to, you can get dressed up.  As a hamster.    Apparently modern hamsters need espresso machines and free wifi, so those things are provided too.

At only 18 square metres, the room doesn't sound very comfortable (you can read a review here or here or here) but my guess is, if you're the kind of person who would go all the way to France just so you can pretend you're a hamster, you are not the kind of person to get bogged down in details like that.

The gite is the brainchild of businessman Yuan Fulquero, who owns more hotels than just this one and says he wants to cater for tourists who are after something  "a little bit strange." One of the articles I've been reading about him contains a sentence  I had to read seventeen times before it made any kind of sense:

He is also looking for investors to fund France's first tourist uterus

I think Yuan has the "little bit strange" angle more or less covered.

*The price was tipped to rise to 150 Euros a night in 2010; no word on whether this has happened.

Thursday 20 January 2011

Quiz Time!


In making a passing reference to Only Connect the other day, I completely forgot to take into account the fact that it's tucked away on BBC4 and hardly anyone I ask, if I ask, has ever seen it.  The most recent series has just finished, but if you're quick and you live in the UK you might catch some episodes on the iPlayer.  If you're slow or you live somehere else, you lose.  Sorry.

It's a quiz show where the aim is to spot the links between four fairly obscure items. In the first round the teams get points for picking the connection, while in the second the objects are presented in order and the teams have to guess what will be fourth in the sequence. Next comes a 'connecting wall'  where they have to unjumble four mixed up groups, as per the walls you can play online here, and then finally there's this weird round where all of the vowels are taken out of a word or phrase, the remaining letters are randomly grouped together and they have to work out the phrase. So if the category was "names of blogs" the clue might be WHD STHT and the answer would be..... well, you've probably worked it out by now.    I do quite like this round but I never quite understand what it's doing in the show, because it has nothing to do with making connections.  Annoyingly, it's nearly always where the game is won or lost, too.

Coming up with questions is, as pointed out in this interview with one of the question-setters, harder than you might think.  Here's my attempt: can you spot the connection between these four picture clues? 











Tuesday 18 January 2011

DVD Club

Tonight's the first meeting of my new DVD club.  I'd tell you more about DVD club, but the first rule of DVD club is....... no, wait.  I've done that joke already. In which case:

DVD club is a bit like a book club, but with films instead of books.  It was my friend Dan's idea, and it's a pretty good one, I think. Which wouldn't surprise you if you knew my friend Dan.   Every month we're going to watch two DVDs which are connected in some way, and then get together to talk about them.  Think Only Connect meets Film 2011, with less eye-liner.  And some dinner thrown in.

Films for tonight are both to do with obsession: one is the brilliantly named I Think We're Alone Now which is a documentary about two men who are obsessed with 80s pop-sensation Tiffany (see what they did there?).  And by obsessed, I don't just mean knows-every-single-lyric-and-has-a-tendency-to-jump-up-and-down-screaming-"omygodILOVEthissong"-far-too-loudly-in-a-public-place. We all know those people.  Let's face it: some of us ARE those people.  These guys are properly obsessed - it's jaw-dropping stuff. Very well handled; it's the kind of story which could easily stray into "let's all have a good laugh at the freaky people" territory, but manages not to.

The other is a film I'd seen before - in One Hour Photo Robin Williams plays a photo-kiosk employee who becomes obsessed with one of his customers.  I was slightly reluctant to watch this again, to be honest - I remembered being very underwhelmed when I saw it a few years ago.  As it turns out I couldn't have been more wrong.   It was brilliant.  Robin Williams is also briliant, and strangely sympathetic. 

 On a different note, I went on a historical treasure hunt around London at the weekend.  We didn't win, but we did pick up a prize for having the best team name:  Raiders of the Lost Plaques. 

Sunday 16 January 2011

Sunday Night Music Club

This is one of those sunny, cheery songs which it's impossible to listen to without smiling a bit.  Just try it and see:

Friday 14 January 2011

Breaking (and making) ducks

Do you know who the biggest tyre manufacturer in the world is? I bet you don't.  No really, I bet you don't, unless of course you already know the incredible fact I learnt today.

It's not Goodyear.  Or Dunlop.  Or, er....... any of those other tyre companies you might be thinking of if you know more about cars or monster trucks or Formula One than I do, which really wouldn't be very hard.

It's Lego.

They make more of them than anyone else.  I learnt a load of stuff about Lego today:

The first toy every manufactured by the Lego company was a wooden duck.  Before toys, the company made ironing boards. 

There are 62 Lego bricks for every person in the world.   If you have six standard 8-stud Lego bricks, there are 915 million ways to combine them.  Apparently it took a computer to work this out; who knows how many ways there would be to combine your allocated 62 bricks.

There are more Lego people in the world than there are actual people in the world.  The reason Lego people have little holes in their heads is so that, if a small child accidentally swallows one and it gets stuck in their throat, they will still be able to breathe.

In 2003, the NBA offered fans the chance to buy life-sized Lego models of their most popular players.  You could also buy and build your own mini versions of some of the players; this was the first time Lego included a range of skin-colours in their sets.  The first characters to have expressions other than smiles were the Lego pirates.  (This makes sense.  Everybody knows, you can't trust a smiling pirate.)

The biggest Lego set on sale is the Taj Mahal set (5922 bricks).

Until today I had never made a proper Lego model . But this afternoon, I broke my Lego duck.  By making this:  

Friday? What....already? Really?

Hmmm.   It's now Friday, and that last post was written on Monday. This business of trying to fit a blog in around a proper job is going swimmingly, don't you think?

You lot are all far too polite to complain, thankfully, so I say this by way of explanation, rather than apology; at the moment I'm squeezing my three day a week job into whichever days aren't already taken up with existing freelance commitments so time is a bit tight.  Writing deadlines are whizzing past me (un-met) at the speed of frightening.


Things should ease off in a month or so and hopefully by then I will have managed to get into more of a routine.  Hopefully.

Monday 10 January 2011

I knew there was something......

Today was the first day of my new job.  I think I've forgotten to mention - what with Christmas and temporarily becoming a vampire and the Santa Wars and Disney War and all of the other wars*; not to mention trying to figure out why the internet keeps sending people who want things like vampire hippo porn my way (latest bizarre search term: Ivana Trump garter belt)  and such - that I accepted a part-time, permanent post towards the end of last year.

This feels like a fairly massive oversight, especially when you consider that this blog was, in its early days, largely about work, or more accurately the absence of work - my decision to leave a perfectly good job without really being sure what I might do next, the highs and lows of freelancing, and so on.  It seems a little odd, in hindsight, that I didn't think to mention the phone call asking me if I'd consider the position, or the day I spent filling in the application form.  Ditto the half-day interview, the negotiations about how many days a week I'd work, and the endless paperwork I had to fill in once we'd reached an agreement.  

But I didn't talk about any of those things here. To be honest, it never even crossed my mind that I might.

I suppose what that really reflects is the changing nature of this blog.  What used to be a platform for my jumbled thoughts about scary things like work and life choices and Making Decisions about The Future somehow turned into a place to write about animal smugglers and dead French people and directionally-challenged snails and largely-unknown German pop songs;  basically whatever I felt like writing about at the time.

This flies in the face of pretty much every single piece of advice about blogging I've ever read (know your audience! Choose a focus! Stay on topic!) and that worries me a bit.  It's been a while now since I first realised just how much my focus had shifted (and by shifted I mean vanished).  At first I wondered if I should find something else to concentrate on - books and writing seemed like a logical choice, given how much I've blogged about those things in the last year or so - but then I realised there were too many other things I'd miss being able to write about.   I considered starting a separate blog for the book-ish and leaving this one for everything else,  but then I worried about finding enough everything-else to talk about.  Tomato bazookas don't grow on trees you know.

The more I think about it, the more I realise I don't want to be one of those niche bloggers.  I'd rather write a little bit about lots of different things than concentrate on just the one.   It's the same way I approach most things in life - give me a menu and there's a good chance I'll go for the tapas plate.

So for now, at least, it's business as usual.  Working for three days a week might mean it's business a little less often than usual, but when I do manage to post it will be the same old eclectic mix of music and books and random news stories, with the occasional rant thrown in.  It probably isn't the best strategy for increasing readership or improving my professional reputation, but then again, those aren't the reasons I blog in the first place.

That's not to say I don't appreciate having readers. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth; I am still  surprised and thrilled to bits whenever I discover someone is actually reading the words I occasionally cobble together and send out into the void.  It's an absolutely lovely feeling. So thank you, by the way.  I probably don't say that enough.


 *There were no other wars.

Sunday 9 January 2011

Sunday Night Music Club

Thursday 6 January 2011

Things that might have been....

This will be brief because I've got an early start tomorrow, but did you know:

1. Danny DeVito's role in Who Framed Roger Rabbit nearly went to Harrison Ford.

2. In the scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts goes to the bathroom to floss her teeth, she was originally supposed to be going to the bathroom to take drugs.  Disney execs decided, quite sensibly, that dental hygenie was a better fit for the studio's family-friendly image than shooting up.

3. There was a third thing.  There was definitely a third thing. I'll update when I remember what it was.

As you may have guessed, I am still reading Disney War.  It's still ace.

**UPDATE**
The third thing: Disneyland Paris was nearly Disneyland Barcelona.

Wednesday 5 January 2011

Lazy Marketing

What is wrong with this picture (from an email which arrived today)?


Let me tell you. This is the email in full: there's no other text, no images of products, nothing. Aside from the fact that it's the type of email which drives me crazy because I receive about nine billion of them from Amazon every week, it's plain lazy.

If Amazon are going to jump on the new year resolutions / fresh start / everyone wants to make their life so much better so let's use it as an excuse to flog stuff bandwagon,  then the least they could do is ACTUALLY SUGGEST SOME THINGS I MIGHT LIKE TO CONSIDER BUYING.  Self-help books. Step machines. Vegetable steamers.  That kind of stuff.  I won't actually buy any of these things, but that's not the point. 

Basically, the message here seems to be "Kickstart your new life, and make a fresh start by buying something.  Anything. We don't really care what you buy, as long as you buy it."

I already buy stuff from Amazon.  I expect I'm not alone.  So I don't see how I'm going to become the "new me" by buying some more stuff from them.  In fact, I'm willing to bet that EVERY SINGLE PERSON who received this email has, at some point, bought something from Amazon. It's most likely how we ended up on their mailing list in the first place.  So by definition, *none* of us will be making a fresh start by buying more of their stuff. Will we, Amazon.  WILL WE?



Monday 3 January 2011

Where I've been

I've mentioned that I work for Crisis over the festive period, but haven’t really said anything about what I do there.   You may be interested;  I won't mind if you're not.

Crisis works year round to provide services for homeless people, but most of their work happens at Christmas. Temporary centres are set up in London (and for the first time this year, Newcastle) staying open for a week. Some of them are day centres, which homeless people who do have a bed for the night (a place in a shelter, or staying with friends) can visit to access services and entertainment. Some, like the one I work in, are residential centres which stay open 24 hours a day and provide accommodation as well.

The centres are staffed entirely by volunteers. Just stop and think about that for a minute. For an entire week chefs, medical professionals, lawyers, housing advisors, hairdressers, dentists and opticians provide professional services. Musicians, performers and artists run workshops and provide entertainment. Drivers ferry guests from day centres to residential centres, take them to doctors and pick them up from hospitals, while more drivers deliver food and equipment to the centres. These people all give their time and services for free. Meals are served, clothes are altered and mended, bedding is washed, and the centres need to be kept clean. Those things are done by volunteers too. All of this needs to be co-ordinated – an operations centre keeps track of who is where and which services are used, how many beds are still available and how many staff are on-site.  More volunteers.

On top of this, each centre - there were seven across London this year - is staffed by a team of general volunteers, who provide companionship for guests and make sure that they know about the services and activities available. General volunteers work one of two shifts at the day centres, or one of three shifts at the residential ones. Each shift has a shift leader and one or more assistant shift leaders - known as ‘green badges’ because that’s what they wear – who are responsible for the smooth running of the centre.  The green badges aren't paid anything either; they're experienced volunteers who have agreed to take on the extra responsibility.

People volunteer for all sorts of reasons. Some because they can't spend Christmas with family; some because they've seen far too much of their family and want an escape; others just because they feel, at this time of year, they want to give something back. Some volunteers have experienced homelessness themselves; this year two of our volunteers (including one of the assistant shift leaders) had previously been guests at a Crisis centre, while another told me she hadn’t been sure how she would cope when she signed up as she’d only moved into sheltered accommodation a few months earlier. Before that she’d been sleeping in an airport terminal.

For the past few years I’ve worked the night shift (10.15pm to 8.30am) at a women-only centre. I’m a Key Volunteer which means managing the work done by the general volunteers on shift, and acting as a link between them and the green-badges, who know what needs to be done. There are a set number of duties, called “gaps”, which need to be rotated every hour; front door duties, manning a tea bar, supervising the shower area. We need drivers on standby in case items need to be picked up or guests transported ; kitchen helpers to help the volunteer chefs prepare meals, and during the night we clean the entire centre. It’s my job to make sure that all of these things get done, so I spend most of the evening racing around with lists of names and rotas, trying to make sure everyone is where they are supposed to be, and knows what they are doing. And, at three in the morning, that they're managing to stay awake.  When there are plenty of volunteers it's managable; on the nights we were short it was more like trying to pin jelly to a wall.

The centres have all closed down now -  Crisis at Christmas is over for another year.  As the week drew to an end, I kept being asked the same question: "What will happen to the guests now?".  The truth is, I don't know.  We had around fifty women staying with us over the week we were open.  Some of them accessed the advice services on offer and will now be in some sort of accomodation.  Others will be back on the streets, or to whichever situation they left behind.  It's not a comfortable thought, and a particularly difficult one for the general volunteers, who have often spent hours getting to know these women, to digest.  It's easy to wonder how much of a difference the week has made. 

But of course, it does make a difference.  I try and hold onto the thought that, thanks to Crisis, these fifty women had a Christmas.  For a week they had a warm bed, hot showers, good meals, and the company of people who cared about them.  They didn't have to worry quite so much.  It's not a solution, but it helps.

So that's where I've been.  It was hard work, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Sunday 2 January 2011

Sunday Night Music Club

Happy New Year and all that.